Unmasking Success: Navigating the Pressure to Conform as a Neurodivergent Executive
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Ever walk into a meeting and immediately feel like you need to turn your volume down, tidy up your language, or cram your idea into a shape that makes everyone else more comfortable?
Yeah. That.
For neurodivergent executives, masking isn’t some occasional bad habit; it’s a finely tuned survival skill. You learn to read the room, smooth the edges, and play the part. And if you're good at it (which you probably are), you start to look “successful” on the outside.
But inside, you’re running a tab you can’t afford.
I’ve been there. For years, I thought fitting in was the price of admission. I could play the role. I even got pretty damn good at it. But over time, it drained the life out of me. The irony? The very things I was working so hard to hide (my wiring, my weirdness, my sideways brilliance) were the things that actually made me great at what I do.
Turns out, unmasking isn’t reckless; it’s the most strategic move on the board.
The Real Cost of Masking for Leaders
Masking isn’t about putting on a smile and nodding politely. It’s a full-time job that demands you suppress how you think, speak, feel, and solve problems, just to pass as “leader material.”
Here’s what that costs:
- Burnout. When you’re constantly editing yourself, your brain runs hot. Executive function tanks. You get decision fatigue, compassion fatigue, creativity fatigue—just... fatigue fatigue. It’s a similar feeling to the productivity shame we often carry.
- Imposter Syndrome. If your wins come from a version of you that’s heavily airbrushed, they don’t really feel like your wins. You keep waiting to be found out, even as you crush it.
- Innovation Bottlenecks. You can’t bring your most original ideas to the table if you’re busy second-guessing how they’ll land. Your best thinking stays in the vault.
Bottom line: if you’re spending half your energy trying to blend in, you’re not leading; you're shape-shifting. And shape-shifting isn’t scalable.
Why Leading Unmasked Is a Power Move
Let’s clear something up. Unmasking isn’t about oversharing or trauma-dumping on LinkedIn.
It’s about alignment. It’s about showing up with your actual brain in the room, and leading from there.
When you stop performing and start partnering with your neurodivergence, you unlock a whole different kind of momentum.
- You build real trust. People aren’t drawn to perfection; they’re drawn to presence. Authenticity cuts through noise like nothing else.
- You supercharge creativity. Neurodivergent brains are built for pattern-breaking, big leaps, weird connections. That’s not a liability; it’s your innovation engine. A great example is how purposeful procrastination can become a strategic tool.
- You model the culture everyone claims to want. Psychological safety isn’t just a slide deck concept. It starts with how you show up. And when you lead unmasked, you give others permission to exhale and do the same.
What Unmasking Actually Looks Like
Let’s be real; it’s not about quitting your job and moving to the woods (unless that’s your thing). It’s about making small, strategic shifts that let you lead with less friction and more fire.
Start here:
- Practice radical self-compassion. Masking takes a toll. If you’re tired, there’s a reason. Cut yourself some slack as you start to unlearn the habit.
- Get clear on your weird superpowers. You’ve probably got a few traits you once thought were “too much” that are actually your unfair advantage. Name them. Use them.
- Find your people. This work is hard to do in a vacuum. A solid coach or neurodivergent peer group can give you the support, reflection, and truth-telling you need to find your footing.
Unmasking isn’t about becoming someone new; it’s about dropping the armor and finally owning the full range of what you bring to the table.
Ready to Ditch the Mask?
If this sounds like your kind of rebellion, you’re not alone. If you're looking for a one-on-one partner to navigate this path, I also offer tailored executive coaching.
I’m also gathering a group of sharp, driven, quietly weird leaders for a new peer coaching experience: The Unmasked Executive Collective. It’s confidential, it’s powerful, and it’s made for people who are done trying to lead like someone else.